My Sister’s Birth- My Inspiration
As long as I can remember I’ve been a big fan of babies! I used to go everywhere will a doll I named Josephine and the passion (obsession) only deepened as I got older. When I was 9 years old I was told I was FINALLY getting a sibling! I was so excited by the prospect but it was my first time really witnessing a woman’s body going through the process of pregnancy up close and everyday- what stood out to me was:
A lot of the advice my mom had gotten when she was pregnant with me was now “completely outdated” and there were all new “rules” and recommendations to follow- many of which were in exact opposition to the recommendations they had given her 10 years previously. I thought that sounded confusing.
The body changes so much and whenever I had questions for my mom about what was happening in her body, or what would happen throughout pregnancy, labour and delivery often her answer was a variation of “I don’t know” or “time will tell”. That sounded scary.
My mom by all accounts had a much healthier second pregnancy, for all sorts of reasons, she did all the right things- ate healthily and the right amount, exercised everyday, took her prenatal vitamins, attended all her doctor’s appointments, minimized stress, drank enough water- etc but around the 6 month mark I woke up to a note at the foot of my door and my grandmother waiting downstairs for me. My mom had been hospitalized because one of her ovaries had burst (thanks, no doubt, to my little sister - an aggressive little fetus). That seemed unfair (and scary).
So, flash forward to my early twenties when I was studying in Toronto to become a Holistic Nutritionist. I quickly realized I am more of a mastery person- I wanted to become an expert in a field not a generalist who knows a little about a lot so I specialized in fertility, pregnancy and postpartum health. This decision led me to discovering the job of a doula and subsequently the training program through Doula Training Canada. I signed up and got my training and was more and more fascinated by everything I learned. I loved the idea of supporting women through the process of birth - I felt (and still feel) I have the natural aptitude for the emotional support aspects, I worked to learn the physiological processes and physical supports and environments that can help labour progress and perhaps most exciting to me was all the education I was now able to pass on to the families that work with me.
Now, I get to walk families through what to expect - from what we know works for labour and has for millennia to the most current recommendations and best practices. I know about what is being recommended, why it is, how and why that has changed overtime and providing all this information to parents allows them to make decisions based on their values, their risk tolerance and what makes sense to them rather than just having to blindly trust the advice of whatever expert has 5 minutes to talk to them at their medical appointments.
I now have the answers for the questions I asked my mom as a child and I try to ensure that the mom’s in my care have those answers too so they aren’t feeling like only “time will tell”. Of course, there is a lot about birth that is unpredictable and hard to prepare for but there are also a lot of knowns - things that we can focus on to help the labouring person feel prepared and confident moving through the day so that delivery feels empowering instead of frightening.
I have learned that pregnancy is unfair. What is easy for one person might be a real struggle for another. Some babies come way earlier than expected and some need to be cut out because they are so big or malpositioned or in distress, some need to visit the NICU or they have trouble with breastfeeding, some women tear a lot while others don’t tear at all… there are so many elements in birth and almost everyone is going to struggle with something. What I feel I have learned over the years is leaving the hospital with a positive birth story has a lot more to do with how you PREPARED beforehand, how you FELT on the day and how you were TREATED than it does about what actually happened. A couple who is prepared and knows what is coming - from the hospital protocols, to their choices of medication, practiced coping strategies and a general knowledge of what the body is actually doing- what the discomfort means, what each new stage of labour brings and knowing that you are doing it and you’re almost done brings a calm to the proceedings. Having a team of people that you trust surrounding you and helping you through the panic moments, giving you helpful suggestions, making sure your cared for- bringing you water, snacks, ice chips, offering words of encouragement and affirmations that are meaningful to you- that brings confidence. When the birthing person is centred in the experience all decisions are theirs to make - without pressure, between contractions, at their own pace and in collaboration with their trusted team. When we respect the birther and make sure they feel heard, understood and prioritized at each phase - that brings safety.
I can’t believe I am lucky enough to do this as a job! I get to help people achieve their dream of having a calm, confident, safe birth- what could be better than that? I am so grateful to my mom for going through two tricky pregnancies to bring me and my sister into this world! I am so grateful to my sister for being my inspiration from the first day I knew about the existence of her (at the time I didn’t think know she was a her yet- we called her jellybean) and every day since! I am so grateful to the Whole Mama Collective for providing me with a team of like minded ladies who all want to help improve birth and postpartum care locally! I am so grateful to all the families who have invited me to participate in their deliveries and for all the lives that I have got to witness the beginning of- it is something special to be the first person to make eye contact with a brand new baby, sometimes my eyes are the first ones they have ever see and I get to watch as they take their first ever breath- it never gets old! Ultimately, I am grateful to a higher power for creating me with this passion and the ability to learn and use my skills for the good of the families in my community and for the magical reality of birth how cool and intricate and unexplainable it all is, it keeps me intrigued and constantly learning which is such a blessing!